Grocery Store Adventures
Okay, this is my first entry and I want to talk about something that has bothered me for years. Let me paint a picture for you. I am a grocery store novice. I don’t necessarily shop often, but when I do, I am excellent at getting as little as possible for the most money.
As I walk into the store, I quickly realize I am in over my head. Now I don’t know about you, but when I go grocery shopping, I always get these crazy ideas about eating healthy and decide that now is a great time to make some changes in my life. I immediately head over the produce section, where I buy at least $20 worth of fruit that will end up rotting either on my counter or in the crisper. This is usually followed by a trip to the organic section, where I buy a couple of bags of wierd stale chips that I will eat entirely that same night, completely nullifying any health benefit they may have had.
After this I am forced to walk through the meat section, followed by the bakery. Needless to say, I usually lose all focus on healthy food at this point and purchase any combination of CheddarWursts, large quantities of meat that I am too lazy to cook, and some random cake item from the bakery. Things are going wildly out of control at this point, but nothing too bad…..yet.
As I turn the next corner, and enter the dairy section I list off the items in my head that I will need from here in an effort to zip through effeciently. This plan is quickly foiled by the employee that is seemingly always in the aisle unloading a pallet of yogurt that blocks 85% of the aisle. The remaining 15% is taken up by some one struggling with the tremendous decision of selecting a pack of American cheese.
What’s left in the aisles following this are primarily ingredients for meals, so I quickly pass those as I head for the cereal and granola bar section. This aisle is not quite as roomy as the dairy, and it never ceases to amaze me that the only two people in the aisle always park there carts right next to each other on opposite sides to ensure that nobody can pass. I stand there and wait for them, and most of the time it is as if they are completely oblivious, enjoying the fact that they are causing my eyelids to twitch in frustration, or they just plain don’t give a crap about anyone but themselves.
While checking out, I usually feel like the person in front of me thinks I am stuck up as I place the little bar between my stuff and theirs. After waiting ten minutes for the one person in the world that still writes checks to pay, and I am forced to keep a straight face as my total goes at least $50 higher than I had planned. I swipe my card, all the while thinking about how much money I waste on food when I could be purchasing lots of other more useful things like DVD’s and video games. So you know how they have the two seperate lanes to send your goods to the end of the counter to be bagged. Well I am that guy that still hasn’t finished bagging his groceries when the guy after next is paying so the cashier is forced to start letting his stuff run into mine. This is partially because of the fact that I am slow, and also can be attributed to the fact that I use double plastic bags for everything I take with me, including the milk. You might ask, why would someone do that? Isn’t that bad for the environment? Well, it is a combination of two things. One being my paranoia that the day I don’t, the bag will rip scattering my beloved groceries all over the parking lot. The other reason is that I like to hoard the bags for things like taking my lunch to work and picking up my dog’s crap. It’s sick, isn’t it?
I love grocery shopping.